My heart is full of deceitfulness, it is beyond cure. Who can understand it? I’m a walking contradiction, a house that is divided. I use one hand to pull you towards me and the other to push you away. I’m broken. I’m scattered. Where, how will I pick me up? Will someone pick me up? And if someone is to show love, will I deceive them too? I know somehow I will. No one will love me if they knew all the things that I hide.
Somehow, I’m starting to question my faith. Am I a sham? I know, that God is good and He is gracious to forgive me of my sins. How can I repay Him? I won’t be able to repay God. There’s nothing I’d be able to do to out give God. I am nothing. All the more nothing without Him.
– rants about my deceitfulness